Keith Lightfoot Blogosphere

When we walk to our mailbox, we can be assured that someone will be asking us for money, either by way of an invoice, a credit card statement or a glossy mailer offering “never to be repeated” discount goods.

Our motivation to clear the mail is often fueled by our hope that a friend may have sent a postcard, or a family member has remembered a special occasion, or perhaps our spouse has slipped a beautiful note into the mail to remind us that we are loved.

A simple greeting card can change our mood for the day. The moment we see a greeting size envelope, we begin to feel better, we eagerly rip open the tab and smile even before we read the words.

The same effect is true for a postcard. No one ever sends us an invoice via a postcard, so we always anticipate good news when we spot a postcard amongst our mail.

This leads me to suggest that it is often the “receiver” and not the “sender” that determines the mood of the message and this “mood shift” is now happening hourly via our mobile phone instead of daily via the traditional mail service.

Text messages have become part of our everyday life and I have witnessed anger and joy first hand through the simple receipt of a new text.

I have watched couples break up, families celebrate and good friends become enemies all via short seemingly innocent text messages.

The trouble with text messages is that they carry no voice inflexion, no smile and no emotion (other than the emotion of the receiver). There is no chance for immediate clarification or feedback. Plus the messages have to be short and therefore often lose their original meaning as we struggle to fit them into the confined parameters of our mobile phone.

A text message scenario starring Bob and Betty Koenesburg:

Bob has allowed himself to fall behind on his schedule at work and is often a little short tempered during his time at home, especially when Betty insists on constantly asking him to complete some well overdue tasks around the yard.

It seems to Bob, that Betty does not appreciate just how busy and how important his career is to him and to the family. After all, he only stays at work after hours in order to provide a better life for Betty and the children, or so he tells himself.

Bob leaves for work on Tuesday as usual, enjoys another long laughter filled lunch with his work mates and is now sitting alone in the darkened office attempting to concentrate on his work, but when observed closely, is actually spending more time on Facebook and other online activities. He is feeling guilty, frustrated and stressed at his situation, but does not want to go home to another evening of accusations.

Betty has decided to patch up the relationship, to recognise Bob’s efforts and see how she can help him work through some of his urgent tasks. She whisks the children off to grandma for the night, lights some scented candles and makes a special dinner for two.

Betty is excited about the evening and makes one last pass through the house, fussing over the dining table layout, the music and the little things that she knows Bob will enjoy. Meanwhile, Bob is becoming more agitated with his inability to focus and is only staying at his desk to avoid dealing with Betty, although he knows in his heart that she will already be angry because he is late home.

At 7.00pm Betty decides to send a quick text to Bob so she can heat the food and pour the wine. She smiles as she stirs Bob’s favourite Pasta dish and innocently sends a short simple, loving text “What time will you be home?” she is puzzled and slightly angered by his immediate reply of “When I am finished!”, so she sends him another short message, this time not quite as friendly.

I am sure you can complete the rest of this scene by yourself!

Text Tips:

Be very careful with your text messages, especially to people you do not know very well and even more careful with people you do know very well

If in doubt, read them out loud to yourself, with a monotone voice, no voice inflexion and try to see if the message could be misread.

Avoid being funny unless you know the person is guaranteed to see the humour in your text.

Make an effort to pick up the phone and speak to people more often. A few cents a month spent on phone calls rather than free text messages could save your marriage, your friendships, your career and your sanity.

When you receive a new text, try to see the message from the other person’s perspective, work through some alternative meanings before jumping to a negative conclusion, then call for clarification.

Christmas Tips:

As a receiver of gifts, make an effort to recognise the feelings and generosity of the giver, rather than applying your own thoughts and expectations into the package.

Be genuinely grateful for anything that comes your way and be especially grateful for the company of your friends and family during this special time of year.

Happy Holidays!