Keith Lightfoot Blogosphere

We used to live in Christchurch until very recently, our children live in Christchurch, we have family in Christchurch, many friends in Christchurch and business associates in Christchurch, so we are definitely very much part of this situation, although thankfully not living amongst the chaos.

There is no doubt that this disaster is “a disaster” and our prayers and thoughts go out to everyone in the Canterbury region. We are deeply concerned for people, for businesses and for the heart of the region.

People all over the city are “mucking in” to help those in need and those outside the city are leaving their homes to travel into the region and provide whatever assistance is required. This is a time when individuals and communities are reaching out to neighbours, family, friends and to their faith.

Despite this clearly obvious show of camaraderie and fortitude, news broadcasters are repeatedly using words like “this is end of Christchurch” and “the Cathedral has collapsed and so has the heart of Christchurch”.

It is very important to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation and to not hide behind a Pollyanna attitude of “everything will be alright”, because for many people, “it will not be alright”, especially if they have lost a loved one.

I believe it is equally important to include a few positive words of hope for the future and was delighted to hear John Key point out that “other cities around the world have suffered serious disasters and they have successfully re built themselves, and although Christchurch will be a very-different city when re built, he is confident that it will recover and prosper”.

The people of Canterbury have suffered badly and I suspect it is not over. They are essentially at war with nature and just like every war time scenario they need someone in authority to stand up and give them courage, faith, hope and a vision for the future.

New Zealanders are re renowned for their courage, their compassion, their fortitude and their commitment to one another.

We are a nation of winners and I believe the residents of Canterbury will once again show the world that we can recover from any situation and that we will rise above the ashes of the present disaster, stronger and better equipped physically, mentally and spiritually to deal with any future challenges.

Stop for a moment and think about what you are saying to your children … Your words and your actions will literally shape their destiny!

Mothers are extremely influential people. Their words and their actions establish an initial foundation of belief, self esteem, direction, dreams and enthusiasm in a child.

Happiness and success can be sought and found at any age, it just might take a little more effort compared to people who received early words of encouragement from their mother (and father).

A child’s viewpoint of the world (i.e. the programming of their brain/hard-drive) is heavily influenced by the words and actions of their primary care giver, often the mother.

There are numerous examples including:
-Abraham Lincoln said “All I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”
-Napoleon Hill, creator of “Think and grow rich” and numerous other self empowerment books, was edified and encouraged by his step mother to become a writer.
-Ben Carson, one of the world’s greatest bran surgeons, remembers his mother’s words; “‘Give your best, Ben Carson. Settle for nothing less than doing your best for yourself and others.”
-Albert Einstein’s mother removed him from school when they suggested he was difficult to teach and provided home schooling to develop his unique gifts.
-S B Fuller, born into poverty, was told by his mother “The only reason we are not wealthy is because your father has not developed the desire to be wealthy.”

Although we remember and celebrate the success of key individuals like Abraham Lincoln, we also need to honour the people who have achieved success in areas of life that we do not typically hear about; i.e. in their family, their community, their church, their personal life or in their business.

Do not underestimate the power of a mother’s words!

My mother’s last sentence change the course of my life and the journey to fulfil her last request continues to this day.

NOTE:
The influence of the “primary care giver” (in this case the Nanny) can be experienced first hand in the recent release of “The King’s Speech”, starring Colin Firth as firstly as the Duke of York, then as King George VI.

It is beautifully crafted film that touches the hearts and fears of us all as we watch the Duke of York struggling to overcome a lifetime of speech impediment, primarily caused by events that occurred in his early childhood.

With the advent of radio, public speaking became a key role in the life of a King and his fear of public speaking, caused by his stammer, almost cost him his crown and the respect of the empire.

Scientists tell us that we are born with only two fears*
1. The fear of loud noises (Ligyrophobia)
2. The fear of falling (Basophobia)

Take a moment to think about the things you are afraid of:

Spiders, Public Speaking, Divorce, Fire, Losing Your Job, Being Lonely, Poor Health, The Dark, Intimacy, Failure, Rejection, Taxes, Closed Spaces, Open Spaces, Dogs, Thunder, Mice, Snakes, Doctors …

It seems we now have a “phobia” to cover almost every situation. We have Aeronausiphobia (Air Sickness), Myrmecophobia (Ants), Motorphobia (Automobiles), Ballistophobia (Missiles), Cancerphobia (Cancer), Emetophibia (Vomiting), Xerophobia (Dryness) and Chionophobia (Snow) to name but a few.

Everybody Starts at the Beginning

Once you realise and accept that every fear or phobia you and I have (aside from the two “born fears”) is a result of “learned behaviour”, you can also deduce that it must be possible to “unlearn” a particular phobia.

Just because someone looks comfortable on stage, does not mean they were born with a gift of speaking or singing, or that they have always been at ease in front of people. You may be terrified at the thought of speaking in public (currently ranked as the number one fear in the world, second is “death by fire”) and so was I.

We do not like to think of ourselves as judgemental, yet everybody forms an opinion of someone when we are first introduced, on stage or face-to-face. Our first impression is hard to change once formed (and it is formed in the first few seconds) and is typically based on how a person looks (clothes, smile, clean, tidy appearance), on how they project themselves (body language, attitude, confidence), on what they say (word structure, vocabulary, topic) and how they say it (voice inflection, passion, enthusiasm).

There is an old saying “you never get a second chance to make a good first impression” and it is equally true today as it was when first spoken. To succeed in business and personal relationships you need to examine “how people see you” (confidence, personality profile, level of enthusiasm) and take steps to give yourself the best possible chance of making a good first impression.

For those of you interesting in improving your public speaking ability, here are a few basic tips to get you started.

One of the most important steps is to decide “who you are”.

The more I train people, listen to speakers, attend social functions and observe audience reactions, the more I realise the huge importance of “being yourself”.

If you are the kind of person that people consider to be quick witted and generally funny; then you should include some humour in your talk, otherwise be very careful!

The internet, speech writing books and well meaning friends will often advise you to tell jokes to win the audience over. On many occasions I have cringed in my seat as joke after joke falls flat on a very embarrassed group of people.

Let’s face it, some people are really good at impromptu humour and joke telling, and some are not!

Just be genuine, be yourself. Let people see “you”; it is great to “step it up a little” and press the boundaries of your comfort level, but at least try to stay within your spirit.

Additional Information:
Video assistance re public speaking: 

If you are unable to view this video, please visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtL8gTEuwvU

Part 2 of this discussion re “Overcome your fear of speaking in public” will be continued in the next blog update and will include a “basic speech writing framework” to help you get started.

Text is original and is extracted from chapters in “Thank God it’s Friday”.

*All normal, healthy babies exhibit reflexes, i.e. an automatic response to an outside stimulus. These reflexes are important and are needed for survival.

If you touch or stroke the palm of a babies hand he/she will clench a fist in an attempt to grasp you and this is recognised as an inbuilt protection against falling. This action has been named the Darwinian or Grasping reflex.

Most parents will quickly notice the Moro (or Startle) reflex in their new baby. A sharp loud noise, or sudden loss of support for the child will cause the baby to fling his/her arms out and then quickly draw them back towards the chest, then they will cry.

The question as to whether these involuntary reactions should be labelled as fear’s is still in discussion amongst psychologists. There does seem to be a consensus that even though these reflex actions may be unconscious to begin with, they do connect to conscious fears as the infant matures.